It has been over six years since my first divorce. Only now am I able to revisit it. From the beginning, I knew I would one day want to help others through the process; however, for a few years, I didn’t want to think about it. I was tired of living, breathing divorce. It was exhausting and just as unhealthy as the marriage. Somehow the very word still makes me want to squeegee my tongue. Here we are in the year 2014 and the word, the very deed, still seems to hold a shamefulness or embarrassment around it. Now, as my second marriage is on the verge of following the same fate (via a far different path), I find it is time to reflect. How did I get to making those tough decisions? It is time to go back to those dark days and share my journey that led me to divorce. I can go back now with very little feeling. Time really does heal, if you let it.
A spark was lit from the moment I set foot in the mandatory divorce class for people with children. Looking around the large hollow room, dotted with angry and even sadder people, I knew I wanted to write about it and somehow help these people. I was sitting there happy as a clam. I wanted to giggle out loud because I was finally going to be free from an unhappy marriage. I wanted to run around that room, grab people by the arms and shake them senseless. “Wake up! It will be ok! Don’t let your anger and sadness hurt you and your kids.” Yes, I realize I wasn’t the one being left. It was easier for me in some sense; I admit that. I admit it was easier, NOT EASY. I had my own demons visit me sometime later and their names were Guilt, Shame and Fear.
So what is my goal here? I want to help others by learning from my experience (my good, bad, and very ugly) of getting to and going through divorce. Deciding to leave someone takes every ounce of courage one can possess. People get hurt, there is no way around that, but realizing that there is a happier space in life is a powerful and wonderful promise. I am passionate about helping people going through divorce. I want people to learn from it. That is what is most important. Even if it wasn’t your decision (which I hear often), I believe there must be a level of accepting some responsibility. There is something for you to learn about yourself. What is it? That is what I want to help others find out.
What seems like the end of the world is only the beginning of something better.
If you allow it to be.
If you choose it to be.
You are in control even though you may not feel like it.
What do YOU want?
I hope you will follow me as I reflect upon my journey.