I woke up yesterday morning not feeling the greatest. I felt overwhelmed and underwhelmed with life all at the same time. I am quite confident that anyone with a pulse has been there. With so many projects in the works and not sure any of it is taking me anywhere, I felt stuck in the middle of a maze. All of my passions seemed to have dwindled to a spark. Everything felt very unimportant . Is this it? Does anything I’m doing mean anything? Is this my life? I was feeling pretty low.
Every time I think of writing about a “bad day,” I think twice and stop myself. I don’t want to put that kind of energy out there. I want my writing to have purpose, whether it is healing, thought-provoking, funny, or helpful in some way. Often times, I will write when I am at my lowest of lows, but just for myself. I get it out onto my computer and then I simply delete it. It’s cathartic. It gives me great comfort because I feel like I have unloaded my burden. I have learned the hard way that strong negative emotions are literally poison to my body. I then feel clear-headed and can move on without all the exaggerated, heightened emotions and get back to reality…which is never that bad!
I think there is a fine line when putting myself out there. These words we read on our glowing computer screens can often get lost in translation or completely misinterpreted. They are without the inflection in my voice. They are devoid of my enthusiasm or pain. All I can do is hope I group a few of the right words in the right sequence to not only portray my thoughts but to give something. Hope. A smile. A spark. A knowing. I want to give something other than the ramblings of my very bad day.
My life isn’t always pretty. I’m not always pretty. But I am too aware to get sucked in. I will only allow myself to hang out at my pity party for so long before I must put on my big girl pants and bail. Maybe I have to take another look at something from a different perspective. Maybe I need to appreciate something at that moment that I have been neglecting. Maybe I need to take action. Maybe I need to do nothing but sit and find my peace. Everything has purpose. Everything has meaning. I woke up with a self-defeating mind. I sat around and did nothing. I had no motivation and I felt really guilty about it.
Then I just embraced it. I found my peace with all the things I didn’t want to feel and felt bad about feeling. And when I did that…I actually felt better.
Oh, and today was a better day! Have a fabulous weekend all!